Maximum Fart Speed
- Alan Wiebe
- Apr 7
- 1 min read
Updated: Apr 23
Scene 2: Maximum Fart Speed
Jimothy Dyck, captain of the starship Explorer, regretted eating Taco Bell right before leaving for his final mission in space. He didn’t feel so good.
“Time is not linear.” Jimothy groaned. “Sometimes we can feel the ripples ahead of us.”
Jimothy’s stomach churned as he set the Explorer’s thrusters to maximum fart speed.
“Commencing countdown. Engines on.”
“Three… two… one… ignition.”
The ship let out the biggest fart ever and overshot Uranus by 10,000 light years.
“Holy crap!”
The force of acceleration exploded liquefied shart juice right through Jimothy’s puckered-up butthole.
“I have to go!”
Jimothy hopped to the toilet in desperate panic. His cheeks were clenched tighter than the ship’s airlock – but it was too late.
By the time he got his spacesuit off, Jimothy had become so far lost in deep space – he was totally up shit creek.
The End.
